Sunday, October 29, 2006

Tranny Boob!

I'm in the dog house with the missus again. Thought I'd crack a joke over sunday lunch to try and cheer up my miserable cow of a mother-in-law, so I told the one about the Pope, the choirboy and the ass. The mother-in-law went all funny after that and wouldn't talk to me any more.
After she left, my missus had a right old go at me and called me some really choice names and then, towards the end of it, she says "but you know she's Roman Catholic, you prat!".
Well that's true.
Didn't realise that he was, though!

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Dildon't.

Picked up this right minging bird in Newington last night. Never too much of a challenge there, I thought.
But very occasionaly, I'm wrong!
When I took her back to my 'studio flat' and offered her something warm and filling, she whipped what looked the the crevice tool off a vacuum cleaner from her bag and offered me likewise.
Well, I told the dirty cow where she could stick her implement and much to my dismay she did!
What is up with people these days?
I think she must have been one of those lesbianists.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Dickless Bitchin'!

But then I suppose that bitchin' would be dickless, by definition, eh?
All the crusty old bloggers of Ramsgate seem to be crawling back out of the woodwork to bombard us with yet another torrent of whinging drivel about how awful things are now that they're getting on a bit!
Well they would be, wouldn't they, you silly sods!
I'll bet that not one of them is under thirty and in the prime of their lives.
Hey ho, though. It gets all the other crusties wound up to the point where they start showing a faint flicker of the life that they used to have, I suppose.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Old People Smell Of Wee, Anyway!

Wandering through town with Cruncher, yesterday, he mistook a skinny old lady for a lamp post and did a bit of a wee on her leg.
Well really, she must have been well into her thirties!
When I pointed out, because of her age, that she probably smelled of wee already, she had a little tantrum right there in the street.
I can't believe the nerve of people sometimes, it's not like he bit her or tried to hump her or anything!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

What's The Point In Getting A Job?

I've always wondered why people bother getting a job.
Look at me, I've had a couple of jobs here and there but they never last more than a couple of weeks before someone upsets me and bang, back on the dole.
It's because, at heart, I'm a free spirit!
I think it's because I'm quite an accomplished free spirit that I live in Thanet.
An Isle of free spiritedness!
Let's face it, you bust your arse for someone else and they give you a crust to live on.
Or you could bust someone else's arse and the Government give you a crust to live on.

Not a hard choice, eh?

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

A Lot Of Fuss About Nothing!

I get really fed up sometimes, listening to all the do-gooders banging on about people not clearing up after their dogs.
For gawd's sake, they're only doing what comes naturally to them!
Pick up the poo and send it off to a landfill site and then when the site is full, stop dumping it there and build houses on it. Why don't we go the whole hog and form a perimiter of rubbish and poo around the outside of the landfill and then use it as a resevoir?
Luckily, we don't have anywhere in Thanet that's far enough from the sea to site a landfill so all of our crap goes off elswhere. Human crap, of course, goes into the sea.
Womens' logic?
Well, it's Augusta road for me when Cruncher dumps his spent steak with onion gravy. By the time the rain has washed it down into King Street and down the drains, it's so diluted as to make little difference to anything!
A lot of fuss about nothing, if you ask me.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Now There's A Funny Thing!

While out walking Cruncher, my gorgeous, slavering Brindle Staffy, last night through King Street, on my way to the York Arms, I saw a fella walking through McDonalds with another Brindle Staffy (though not as hard looking as mine) and he was wearing exactly the same shell suit as me!
What are the chances of that?
He even had a very similar baseball cap to mine.
If that wasn't enough of a coincidence, just as I hocked one up and sent it Earthwards at some 50mph, he did the same!!!
Thinking he might be taking the piss, I went inside to land one on him but he'd completely dissapeared. I checked in the toilets and everywhere. Had to content myself with kicking one of their chairs over, much to the distress of the kid who was sitting on it.
Ah well, I'm sure I'll see him again and I'll have him next time!